For a girl who makes a lot of noise on the internet from social media platform to social media platform. I sure am a nobody! All the affirmation(ers) of the world probably just choked on their spit and got angry! I can hear them now!
This!
This is what you're not to be doing!
oh, in some way, I can agree with that. But I'm the type who likes to challenge the narrative people have created.
For the last 22 years I could see an enormous need among my fellow humans in every culture, in every city, in every state -even when I traveled to the island of Jamaica a couple of times, I'd noticed...
People want nothing more than loved.
I know some of you may disagree with me at first. But give me 10 mins of your reading time to explain before you come to any conclusion.
First, you may be asking.
What's this got to do with who she is?
I'm glad you asked. Please, allow me to explain both of these concepts because they are interchangeable. It may be, this resonates with you. If not, I can assure you there's some positive insights to walk away with that will add value to even the most successful people today.
If you noticed, the blog is titled "Carmen's Loved". UPDATE: It was. I changed it recently to "ironic". I'm still keeping what I stated previous to that name change and I may come back and add to this. Who knows?
I struggle -still to this day- with this title. Consistently thinking, I need to change this. Yet, I stop myself each time I log in. Simply because I don't want to ever forget what I learned from the day I developed this blog to the day I log in -like today, for example.
Why I chose the title "Carmen's loved" wasn't actually something I understood at the time -which was about a decade and a half or more ago.
Creating this blog, I'd spent a lot of time in my head thinking about my future. As a mother of three it entailed college, cars, and money to help them boost into their adult lives. It also included a little about me. I merely wanted to be making it, and if everyone loved me, I'd be making it.
Or so I thought...
Making ends meet and providing those things for my children -that my family couldn't provide for me when I reached the age I was allowed to be out on my own -that is all that I needed.
But I was completely out of touch with myself.
Now that I look back. There's this clear-cut understanding that took me so very long to "get". Funny thing though, I'd never really considered if it were possible to not make it happen. Deep down inside I always felt, I'm going to make it.
When I fell flat on my face. I wasn't expecting it!
Oddly, if I'd been taught healthy ways of living. I'd probably had made alternative options for the just-in-case, or even better, I'd been in touch with the subconscious side of myself which would've enabled me to realize. I didn't need money.
I actually needed love.
My subconscious mind was screaming! I need love -which, maybe this is why I automatically assumed. I was loved. While my conscience mind was saying. I need money.
At no point in time did I believe I needed someone to love me. It was automatic for me. I knew inherently everyone loved me. But that couldn't be further from the truth! How far removed from reality I was. (hand on face) To top it off, the evidence was overwhelming! Why else would I have made the name of one of my blogs, Carmen's loved?
Who was I convincing? Furthermore, why didn't I have the slightest clue as to why I named the blog the name I gave it?
Let me keep it real.
Quite frankly, no one loved me. They only loved. What I could do for them. The moment I couldn't do, whatever it was they needed, I was no longer useful to them.
Everyone needs love. Even those who want nothing more than money. That's why most celebrities go as far as selling their souls to satan for money. On stage, they're praised. On stage, they're recognized. Oddly, once they come off stage -and the praise or recognition isn't right there in front of them- reality begins to sink in. The Huffpost.com did an article on O'Brien with this as the main topic. Here is an excerpt of that article:
"Still, O'Brien hadn't considered himself an alcoholic. No one else did either; to the public, he was at the top of his game with nothing to complain about. The reality, he says, was much more of an internal struggle. "The thing about 'fame' is that we are people who love to be loved by strangers," O'Brien tells Oprah. "We can't get enough... You want more, more, more. The only number you have is 'more.'" This insatiable thirst for adoration becomes a void in which many celebrities find themselves lost, battling against unhappiness. As O'Brien sees it, there are far more unhappy stars than happy. "I can name, out of all of them, 10 really happy ones," he says.
Truly happy people are hard to come by. In fact, let's be realistic here. How many truly happy people do you know? Are you truly happy?
Be real with yourself.
Heck, I'm not asking you to comment here. I'm asking you to recognize whether or not you are truly happy.
Whatever your answer is. Most people simply aren't truly happy. I learned this the hard way. Even those of you who claim you are. Are merely lying to yourselves.
Don't rush away yet.
Hear me out fully.
You see, growing up I was in an abusive home. Mentally and physically being abused from the time I was four till I left home around the age of 15 for the first time. I'd come back not more than a year later up until I was 17, but this should allow you to see a bit more about me, While giving you a little more background as to why I've come to be who I am.
I was always told. "You aren't shit. No-one loves you. I found you in a trash can cause even your parents didn't want you."
When mom was in a good mood she would apologize and say she said it in anger.
Oh, the mental toll it took on me.
I grew cold inside. But didn't even realize it until many moons later. What I did know was I wasn't accepting what she said. I was going to prove her wrong! I was going to show her that I could do it.
I loved myself...
And that's all I needed!
For many years, I did just that. Did it so well she often counted on me to help her pay her bills. She often counted on me to help her out when she needed it. And I had no problem doing it. In fact, I think I took pride in helping her because it "showed her".
Oh, the walking disaster I was.
I was a complete disaster waiting to happen. The fact that I can say this now is amazing. And it's truly an act of God Almighty.
You see, money became a motivator. The more money I made. The more people wanted to be around me. The more people wanted to know what I thought. The more that they appreciated my presence and my output. Thing is, as I previously stated. When that money was no longer there. All these people (who so-called loved me) no longer loved me.
They treated me like I was the plague. Many never paid me back for borrowed money and would talk bad about me today as if I the shoe was on the opposite foot. Those who helped me -and I can't payback- wouldn't ever.
It's weird how that works.
So here it is, I was extremely successful in terms of making money in my early 20s. On into my early 30s. Then illness from being an agent orange baby began to steadily take control of my life. Not to mention there was this hidden hand sabotaging everything that inevitably made me lose all the control I'd once had.
This is why I say everyone needs love. I am just like everyone else. Yes, I am just like you. Whether or not you believe it to be true. You may be one of those people who have everything in order. You strive for success daily and achieve those goals at an exponential rate.
Despite this great quality you have. You still are looking for something.
You can have all the money in the world. You can vacation when you want. You can donate thousands to charity.
People know you from this level of success everywhere you go, But let's keep it real, You still go out and search for something. Whether or not that something is a new market for a new product to generate a new asset, a yacht to celebrate your achievements on, or a girlfriend/wife.
You are searching for something.
Well, for me, I soon realized it was love I'd been looking for the whole time. And how I found that love is out of this world, truly amazing, and a driving force today.
Before I conclude, let me introduce one more topic into the mix. Let me just start by saying, Is it true or false when its stated: "no one can love you more than you can love yourself?" Without knowing your answer. I'm giving you mine. self-love is overrated and truly misunderstood because it doesn't come from yourself.
Let me prove it.
You ever heard of affirmations?
Definition of affirmation: af·firm·a·tions
the action or process of affirming something or being affirmed:"he nodded in affirmation" ·
Many people tend to say.