BIOENERGY

 IS THIS THE FUTURE OF AMERICA?

Don Fum's mysterious directions say what? Let's find out together!

Starting in the name Jelliken. 

Little history to help you understand what I'm seeing. I've matched the cloud patterns to the day directed for locations in the cipher off world-view. Which means the aerosol, gel, liquids mentioned in the cipher is applied the the air just as I thought. The names are like a puzzle. You just pull line items from each name to form that picture. 

Check out these Key PLayers to the NANO push Don Fum says is so important. 

There are two reasons for the push. One is to sicken and control the population while the other is to use it as preventative medicine.

For instance, the character name Gertrude Baroness Trump eludes to the use of RNA. RNA nanotechnology is a branch of nanotechnology concerned with the design, study and application of synthetic structures based on RNA. RNA nanotechnology takes advantage of the physical and chemical properties of RNA rather than the genetic information it carries.

If I'm reading this cipher correctly Don Fum is saying the MIC is working together globally under the guise of climate change to spray different nanomaterials onto the populations globally. 

Because I'm targeted and I know for a fact the aeronautics engineer I met named Don Ashford contracted with them, I couldn't help but use myself as a way to gauge what this thing is saying. You see, back in 2005-2007 I was really sick and I kept going to the Doctor to get help. Doc said nothing was wrong with me. After a year, my visits became more frequent, and I was really ill. Doctor Gahl out of Muncie, IN (with AHN) said, "you need a psychiatrist". I cursed that man out (shamefully) and got me a new doctor. 30 days to the date of him telling me I needed psychiatric help (for massive weight loss, the inability to work out like I did six days a week, and fevers) I was told I needed to write my will because I was not going to make it out of the hospital. 

I was told at 29 (just a week prior to my 30th birthday) I was not going to make it. Now that I've Don Fum's mysterious directions I know without a doubt this is the plan to bring in the new world order and to target the remnant of the 12 tribes of Israel. It may be a jumbled mess while it's in its cryptic format. However, I know without a doubt they're using molecular biology to target the 12 tribes with military tactics.  

By using particle physics and nanotechnology. 

So when I got sick I was not treated right at the docs office.  The Doc totally ignored all my claims for a year, and dismissed my weight loss, along with my change in working out. He told me I needed a psychiatrist. Then 30 days to that date I had a 103.7 fever and was admitted into the hospital. 

My new doctor said I wouldn't make it. I was going to die. 

The admitting nurse was giving me a catheter and said to me, "Oh, my how have you been walking?" I'd laughed and said, "I wasn't walking you wheeled me in here". 

She said, "NO! I mean how have you been walking for the last three or four months?" 

I told her the situation and she said she would sue the crap out of Dr. Gahl. 

I should've. I really should've sued him and American Health Network for the traumatic injury to my body for dismissing my illness to the point I almost died.

Now, looking back on it -with Don Fum's mysterious directions- I can't help but see what happened. 

There are trillions of dollars in the pharmaceutical industry. There are also trillions of dollars in research and development of pharmaceuticals for advancements in Medicine as well. 

According to Don they've already done the research and are merely deploying their tactics on unsuspecting citizens. As well as specified targets. While they roll out reasons to use their "newly" developed nanotech in medical offices across the globe. 

Oddly, ordinary law-abiding citizens are targets. I being one, can pick up many of the attributes from the cipher that would be related to targeting the health of citizens via nanoparticles being sprayed on them (or by using some of the other methods they use). I will try to explain this in a manner cohesive enough to follow along. There are many components to everything coming from each character's name out of the book. 

By the time everything is listed properly. It will be a fairly large book. I'm going to stick with the biggest aspects to begin with and build on this in later posts. 

I've come to learn nanotech is RNA and it can be controlled via computer systems. I believe that's why many targets complain of microwave technology. They've done just as they've always done in times past (used citizens as test subjects without their permission). 

Imagine this while you read through this writing.

I'm targeted. I got sick as a child often. There was always a hidden hand in my life causing weird things to happen. Mostly smear campaigns that started as a child. The first smear campaign was when I was 14. A girl said I'd had a hotdog stuck in my vagina and had to go to the hospital to have it removed! It ruined my childhood and really followed me into my adult years. 

Anyhow, these tactics I've identified (and will briefly touch on here) are military-style tactics used on dissidents. Although I know this is a spiritual war we are living in (and these are devils doing what they do) I believe I landed on a list because of agent orange poisoning that comes through my Fathers bloodline. This caused them to keep an eye on me for the duration of my life. As well as to use me as a test subject for their developing technologies. At around the age of 6, I'd seen a UFO hovering over our house with my mother, brother, and sister one day. Now, I almost feel as if all of this is interrelated somehow for a good reason. 

#1 I encountered really odd situations with my doctors that my brother and sister didn't.
#2 When I was older I began having break-ins when I lived alone. One time my panties were coming up missing. I mentioned this to my mother. I'd jokingly said, I wish they'd leave me money to buy some more. Another pair come up missing and I found a 50 dollar bill in my room that I know I didn't leave there!

Were they listening to my calls? 

It freaked out. I moved out as quickly as possible (this story is longer than what I'm saying here). 

Anyhow, my next home caught on fire from sparks coming out of the walls. Set up to get into another place I'd encountered a few strange scenarios in the new house. Such as my tags on my car being stolen. Another time I'd left my stuff at the house and needed to go back and get it. I'd had my phone in my hand tossed it into the passenger seat. Ran into the house to get what I left and when I returned about a minute and a half later my phone was missing. It happened so quick I felt like someone had to be following me to do it. 

These sorts of scenarios kept happening frequently. Break-ins where money was missing overnight. Items were coming up gone often and then later being returned. And people seemed to know my business without me ever speaking about it to anyone as if I was being spied on?

Then, being sick and going to the Doc's just to be told I need mental help, but always ending up hospitalized with some illness that was septic? I couldn't make sense of any of it. So I merely dismissed it all.

But what really was happening? Since then they've tried killing me so many times. I've even seen military-style operations that were carried out by men and women of different races, ethnic backgrounds, and of all different ages. Some people had their very own children involved. It was like I was living in a bad movie! 

What if I was on this list as a kid and they found a way to poison me with their molecular biology technology? What if they were sending signals at me so that I would get sick? What if they were not allowing doctors to see my illness by simply fixing all the tests that were being done on me? Does it sound as strange to you as it does to me?

I've lived it. I believe they spent decades using their military powers to put molecular biology stuff into peoples food (or maybe they administer it when they're sleeping) and then they keep track of the research project with rogue groups?

I believe it helped them to advance their world domination plans all while testing the studies they were developing. Such as nanotechnology. Plus, this helped them to kill off the 12 tribes of Israel without them even being noticed?

Well, here's a bunch of aspects in DFMD and some of the facts. I'm using line items from Don Fum's mysterious directions to show what Don Fum is saying.

Don says:

Aerosols, gels, liquids

Nanoparticles are found in aerosol injections. Don fum has an entire system related to space, the upper atmosphere, mesosphere, and stratosphere, and relates to their radar system (surveillance) put in place. Also, I matched the locations of the Universities to the cloud patterns on the day Don Fum said they would be deployed. So it is very clear the universities are the grid they're using to spray these aerosols. 

According to ncbi.nlm.nih.gov "Aerosols could be injected into the upper atmosphere to engineering the climate by scattering incident sunlight so as to produce a cooling tendency that may mitigate the risks posed by the accumulation of greenhouse gases."

The way they gauge the effects of nanoparticles in aerosol injections appears to be regional. For instance, Gertrude Baronness Trump says Tuesday and Thursday. There is a list of Universities in this name. This would be the grid they use to spray on Tues and Thur's aerosol injections. DF says mouse units of biological toxicity are based on population reports. It is also mentioned to gauge and repeats the methods. In my assumptions, I'd say they get the medical reports of regions and base their operations on what that report says. 

It would appear someone at the top of the corporate ladder knows what's being sprayed and where. Cause they're ordering the stuff to have it sprayed. Plus, Don Fum gives the different elements of what they're spraying. There are places like Fischer Science that are involved in the making of this stuff. Plus, they're sending out pilots to spray it. Well, then there's a health system put in place that allows medical providers to report health effects. Such as healthmap.org which tells what illnesses are popping up in places across the globe. 

So let's say the hierarchy wants to kill 30,000 people in a month. They would use x amount of biological toxicity to put into aerosol injections. They go out spraying this stuff every Tues and Thursday in the specified locations. Over the course of the month, people are going to the hospital for various sicknesses. These sicknesses are logged and mapped for hierarchy to gauge the outcome of their activities. 

Healthmap.org would then log if there are respiratory, std, or vectorborne alerts and where they come from. This would allow for the hierarchy to determine if they've used enough or too much. 

I will put line items applicable to my assessment straight from Don Fum's mysterious directions. Then, we will put what we learn together to form a picture. This post is the first of many posts. Each subsequent post will be titled the same as this one (except for the number at the end). This is part #1

Gertrude breakdown:

• palliative medicine
• Psychosomatic Medicine
• Promethium: "Promethium is a chemical element with the symbol Pm and atomic number 61. All of its isotopes are radioactive; it is extremely rare, with only about 500–600 grams naturally occurring in Earth's crust at any given time. ... Chemically, promethium is a lanthanide. Promethium shows only one stable oxidation state of +3." " Most promethium is used for research purpose. It can be used as beta radiation source in luminous paint, in nuclear batteries for guided missiles, watches, pacemakers and rados, and as a light source for signals. It is possible that in future it will be used as portable X-ray source." "Active since roughly 2002, the Promethium advanced persistent threat (APT) group has been exposed time and time again by security researchers and civil rights outfits for prolific surveillance and intelligence-gathering related to political targets. "
• Prime meridian (zero longituted)
• Probability of Mutation (genetic algorithms)
• photographic memory
• Polarization-maintaining (fiber optics)
• purpose-made
• pulse modulation
• prototype model (engineering)
• playmemories (software; Sony)
• Patient Movement (US DoD); Definition. The act or process of moving wounded, ill, injured, or other persons (including contaminated, contagious, and potentially exposed patients) to obtain medical, surgical, and dental care or treatment. Functions include medical regulating, pre-hospital patient evacuation, and en route medical care.
• Particle mesh: a mesh networking tech built on Thread, and designed to connect the spaces in between existing Wi-Fi and cellular deployments local networks that are low-cost, secure, and ultra-reliable. 
• Polymyositis (Immune disease causing muscle inflammation)
• Peritoneal Metastasis
• Pons-Medulla; The medulla contains the cardiac, respiratory, vomiting, and vasomotor centers regulating heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure. ... The pons (part of metencephalon) lies between the medulla oblongata and the midbrain. It contains tracts that carry signals from the cerebrum to the medulla and to the cerebellum.
• propulsion module
• Polymer Morphology
• Passage Material (US DoD)
• Passmonster (security software)
• propomesial
• Unconditioned Response (psychology)
• Usage Record (computing)
• Technology
• Transition Metal
• Thoracic Vertebra (prefix, as in T-1, T-2)
• Thymine (DNA base)
• Transmissivity
• Primary immune system white blood cell
• Total Nitrogen
• Twisted Nematic
• Nephroblastoma Overexpressed Gene
• School of Sciences and Engineering (various schools)
• structure systems and engineering
• Society for Scientific Exploration
• Steady State Efficiency (energy measurement)
• Siemens Science Experience
• 
  

Let's just stop here for this post. Let's apply some of my thoughts and studies to these line items. 

School of science and engineering is an actual school. But let's just say there's a dualistic meaning. One that everyone knows and one that only those on the inside understand. You've a target. This target was given some nanomaterials in their food. Someone has been assigned to track their every move, send specific signals their way to alter their DNA or the RNA that was administered to them. The human body is a structure of systems that can be altered using energy. 

Is this even possible? this is a question we will search out in these writings. 

I would like to note: I'm applying for disavility because of my illnesses. I've lost the ability to move my arms like everyone else. I've also got problems of being dizzy and sick frequently. Notice how 

• Thoracic Vertebra (prefix, as in T-1, T-2) 

is noted in Gertrude? What if they gave me something that attached itself to my spinal cord? The symbols T1-T2 represent the 12 thoracic vertebrae. One of the many areas I've had a problem with since I was a child. In fact, I've my pediatric medical records that show I've had a lump I've complained about in my neck as far back as 7. At 5 I began complaining about headaches being in the ear. Now, 43 years later and I can assure you that these are related. Which means since I was 5 years old I've had a problem with my ear and my back. It's now on record that I've spinal degeneration in every area of my spine. Spinal stenosis in the neck and lower lumbar regions. This region of the vertebra controls abdominal muscles, lower back, stability and support. Pain from this area can radiate to other areas of your body and not be centered where the injury actually is. My skin is always burning and this area of T1 thru T12 provides sensation to the skin.

So, is it far fetched to say that they could've done something to me when I was younger and now I'm feeling the effects of it?

Well, let's just see. Is it possible to use a nanoparticulate to inject into the spine?

Yes, it is possible. In fact, there are multiple studies on this. Nanoparticle technologies in the spinal cord.

If they can use it to produce something good. Isn't it possible they could also use it for something bad? Of course they could. 

2021: "The President's 2021 Budget requests over $1.7 billion for the National Nanotechnology Initiative (NNI), with an increased investment in the foundational research that will lead to discoveries that will advance a wide range of areas including key Industries of the Future."

It is said on Azonano, "“You only have to look at how IT made a huge difference to both the US economy and US military strength to see how crucial technology is,” says Harper. “Nanotechnology is an even more fundamental technology than IT. Not only has it the ability to shift the balance of military power but also affect the global balance of power in the energy markets.” In their report of Worldwide funding for nanotech they list countries with a budget to support research and development of nanotech. 

In Don Fum's mysterious directions are key terminologies associated specifically with nanotech. I'm no were near a scientist. Nor am I even slightly educated in the research and development of the tech -or the diseases for that matter-all I can do is write down connecting attributes from the cipher and see what information comes up. 

Quantum physics can cause mutation in our DNA

The particle Physics in You- "About 99 percent of your body is made up of atoms of hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen and oxygen. You also contain much smaller amounts of the other elements that are essential for life."

According to Don Fum these are key players/instruments in the nanotech push

The Defense Forum

Department of Defense

Global Netoptex Inc; Business ID C3004719  business type is listed as foreign stock. Incorporation date 6/27/2007 address is 2269 Chestnut street PMB#290, San Francisco, CA 94123The Company's line of business includes providing computer processing and data preparation services. Current resident agent is "REGISTERED AGENT SOLUTIONS, INC.". This business registered office address is "2269 CHESTNUT STREET, PMB#290, SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94123". Global Netopex Inc has multiple partnerships. And is also listed as optex a global network active in over 30 locations. they're building "a better future" by using sensing technology to create a safe, secure and comfortable global society." In the USA Optex incorporated has sensors for intrusion detection, automatic door and other special applications. Fiber SENSYS, INC is also associated and they deal with fiber-optic intrusion detection systems. 

BigWorld have formed a strategic partnership with Global Netoptex, INC. 

Cage Codes stands for "Commercial and Government Entity. It is a unique 5 character alphanumeric identifier that is required for a company to do business with the government. International use is performed throught the NATO codification system, or NCA, and those are NCAGE codes. On page 1653 Global Netoptex is listed."

NIH is a line item term out of Dfmd

NIH offers special grants and contracts for research with special consideration. 

DDF Summit:

"The 2021 Virtual Summit covers both small molecules and biologics, new technologies, concepts and case studies in areas such as:
Formulation design for poorly soluble compounds
The potential of nanotechnology for better deliverability
The latest controlled released technologies
Improving patient compliance by harnessing data and the latest smart device technology
Optimising formulations for continuous manufacturing
Overcoming the blood brain barrier and challenges in oral delivery of biologics
Reformulation and biosimilars"

Key Business Terms:

Network Industry (frequent in company description of the new economy)

New Institutionalism (EU)

Nuclear Instrumentation

Natural Interference

human genome

References:

https://www.nano.gov/2021BudgetSupplement

https://www.nano.gov/podcasts

https://supercritical.appliedseparations.com/nanoparticles/

https://www.fishersci.com/shop/products/nano-connector-incl-2-sleeves/NC0114352 nano sleeve

mental health polymer morphology https://www.google.com/search?q=Polymer+Morphology+mental+health&rlz=1CAWPBA_enUS919&sxsrf=AOaemvIszhg60edQLUWgwV1tazXEw5-FiQ%3A1631500809529&ei=Cbo-YbHnH_--0PEPzN2n8Ac&oq=Polymer+Morphology+mental+health&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAMyCAghEBYQHRAeOgcIABBHELADOgcIABCwAxBDOgUIABCABDoGCAAQFhAeOgUIABCGAzoGCAAQDRAeOgUIIRCgAToFCCEQqwI6BwghEAoQoAFKBAhBGABQ9doBWJ_4AWCX-gFoA3ACeACAAeEBiAHlFpIBBjAuMTIuNJgBAKABAcgBCcABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz&ved=0ahUKEwjxj8-R9vryAhV_HzQIHczuCX4Q4dUDCA4&uact=5

https://www.google.com/search?q=nano+particles+in+aerosol+injections+affect+on+population&rlz=1CAWPBA_enUS919&sxsrf=AOaemvJ5XnAUFt87negzVWcUDMUfVuR2VA%3A1631497875288&ei=k64-YfWKEYTS9AOH4oxw&oq=nano+particles+in+aerosol+injections+affect+on+population&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAMyBwghEAoQoAEyBwghEAoQoAEyBwghEAoQoAE6BwgAEEcQsAM6CAghEBYQHRAeOgUIIRCgAToFCCEQqwJKBAhBGABQv4wMWK25DGCRuwxoAXABeACAAeYBiAHYH5IBBjAuMTQuN5gBAKABAcgBCMABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz&ved=0ahUKEwi1oLua6_ryAhUEKX0KHQcxAw4Q4dUDCA4&uact=5

https://blog.particle.io/introducing-particles-next-generation-hardware-powered-by-particle-mesh/

Who am I? And while I'm at it how about saying I bet we have something in common.

For a girl who makes a lot of noise on the internet from social media platform to social media platform. I sure am a nobody! All the affirmation(ers) of the world probably just choked on their spit and got angry! I can hear them now! 

This! 

This is what you're not to be doing! 

oh, in some way, I can agree with that. But I'm the type who likes to challenge the narrative people have created. 

For the last 22 years I could see an enormous need among my fellow humans in every culture, in every city, in every state -even when I traveled to the island of Jamaica a couple of times, I'd noticed...

People want nothing more than loved. 

I know some of you may disagree with me at first. But give me 10 mins of your reading time to explain before you come to any conclusion.

First, you may be asking. 

What's this got to do with who she is? 

I'm glad you asked. Please, allow me to explain both of these concepts because they are interchangeable. It may be, this resonates with you. If not, I can assure you there's some positive insights to walk away with that will add value to even the most successful people today.

If you noticed, the blog is titled "Carmen's Loved". UPDATE: It was. I changed it recently to "ironic". I'm still keeping what I stated previous to that name change and I may come back and add to this. Who knows?

I struggle -still to this day- with this title. Consistently thinking, I need to change this. Yet, I stop myself each time I log in. Simply because I don't want to ever forget what I learned from the day I developed this blog to the day I log in -like today, for example. 

Why I chose the title "Carmen's loved" wasn't actually something I understood at the time -which was about a decade and a half or more ago. 

Creating this blog, I'd spent a lot of time in my head thinking about my future. As a mother of three it entailed college, cars, and money to help them boost into their adult lives. It also included a little about me. I merely wanted to be making it, and if everyone loved me, I'd be making it. 

Or so I thought... 

Making ends meet and providing those things for my children -that my family couldn't provide for me when I reached the age I was allowed to be out on my own -that is all that I needed. 

But I was completely out of touch with myself. 

Now that I look back. There's this clear-cut understanding that took me so very long to "get".  Funny thing though, I'd never really considered if it were possible to not make it happen. Deep down inside I always felt, I'm going to make it.

When I fell flat on my face. I wasn't expecting it! 

Oddly, if I'd been taught healthy ways of living. I'd probably had made alternative options for the just-in-case, or even better, I'd been in touch with the subconscious side of myself which would've enabled me to realize. I didn't need money. 

I actually needed love.  

My subconscious mind was screaming! I need love -which, maybe this is why I automatically assumed. I was loved. While my conscience mind was saying. I need money. 

At no point in time did I believe I needed someone to love me. It was automatic for me. I knew inherently everyone loved me. But that couldn't be further from the truth! How far removed from reality I was. (hand on face) To top it off, the evidence was overwhelming! Why else would I have made the name of one of my blogs, Carmen's loved? 

Who was I convincing? Furthermore, why didn't I have the slightest clue as to why I named the blog the name I gave it?

Let me keep it real. 

Quite frankly, no one loved me. They only loved. What I could do for them. The moment I couldn't do, whatever it was they needed, I was no longer useful to them.

Everyone needs love. Even those who want nothing more than money. That's why most celebrities go as far as selling their souls to satan for money. On stage, they're praised. On stage, they're recognized. Oddly, once they come off stage -and the praise or recognition isn't right there in front of them- reality begins to sink in. The Huffpost.com did an article on O'Brien with this as the main topic. Here is an excerpt of that article:

"Still, O'Brien hadn't considered himself an alcoholic. No one else did either; to the public, he was at the top of his game with nothing to complain about. The reality, he says, was much more of an internal struggle. "The thing about 'fame' is that we are people who love to be loved by strangers," O'Brien tells Oprah. "We can't get enough... You want more, more, more. The only number you have is 'more.'" This insatiable thirst for adoration becomes a void in which many celebrities find themselves lost, battling against unhappiness. As O'Brien sees it, there are far more unhappy stars than happy. "I can name, out of all of them, 10 really happy ones," he says.

Truly happy people are hard to come by. In fact, let's be realistic here. How many truly happy people do you know? Are you truly happy? 

Be real with yourself. 

Heck, I'm not asking you to comment here. I'm asking you to recognize whether or not you are truly happy. 

Whatever your answer is. Most people simply aren't truly happy. I learned this the hard way. Even those of you who claim you are. Are merely lying to yourselves. 

Don't rush away yet. 

Hear me out fully.

You see, growing up I was in an abusive home. Mentally and physically being abused from the time I was four till I left home around the age of 15 for the first time. I'd come back not more than a year later up until I was 17, but this should allow you to see a bit more about me, While giving you a little more background as to why I've come to be who I am. 

I was always told. "You aren't shit. No-one loves you. I found you in a trash can cause even your parents didn't want you." 

When mom was in a good mood she would apologize and say she said it in anger. 

Oh, the mental toll it took on me. 

I grew cold inside. But didn't even realize it until many moons later. What I did know was I wasn't accepting what she said. I was going to prove her wrong! I was going to show her that I could do it. 

I loved myself... 

            And that's all I needed!

For many years, I did just that. Did it so well she often counted on me to help her pay her bills. She often counted on me to help her out when she needed it. And I had no problem doing it. In fact, I think I took pride in helping her because it "showed her". 

Oh, the walking disaster I was. 

I was a complete disaster waiting to happen. The fact that I can say this now is amazing. And it's truly an act of God Almighty. 

You see, money became a motivator. The more money I made. The more people wanted to be around me. The more people wanted to know what I thought. The more that they appreciated my presence and my output. Thing is, as I previously stated. When that money was no longer there. All these people (who so-called loved me) no longer loved me. 

They treated me like I was the plague. Many never paid me back for borrowed money and would talk bad about me today as if I the shoe was on the opposite foot. Those who helped me -and I can't payback- wouldn't ever. 
It's weird how that works.

So here it is, I was extremely successful in terms of making money in my early 20s. On into my early 30s. Then illness from being an agent orange baby began to steadily take control of my life. Not to mention there was this hidden hand sabotaging everything that inevitably made me lose all the control I'd once had.

This is why I say everyone needs love. I am just like everyone else. Yes, I am just like you. Whether or not you believe it to be true. You may be one of those people who have everything in order. You strive for success daily and achieve those goals at an exponential rate. 

Despite this great quality you have. You still are looking for something. 

You can have all the money in the world. You can vacation when you want. You can donate thousands to charity. 

People know you from this level of success everywhere you go, But let's keep it real, You still go out and search for something. Whether or not that something is a new market for a new product to generate a new asset, a yacht to celebrate your achievements on, or a girlfriend/wife.

You are searching for something.

Well, for me, I soon realized it was love I'd been looking for the whole time. And how I found that love is out of this world, truly amazing, and a driving force today.

Before I conclude, let me introduce one more topic into the mix. Let me just start by saying, Is it true or false when its stated: "no one can love you more than you can love yourself?" Without knowing your answer. I'm giving you mine. self-love is overrated and truly misunderstood because it doesn't come from yourself. 

Let me prove it. 

You ever heard of affirmations?

Definition of affirmation: af·firm·a·tions

affirmations (plural noun)

the action or process of affirming something or being affirmed:

"he nodded in affirmation" · 

[more]

Affirmations are the action or process of affirming something or being affirmed. So, for me, the need for love would've been affirmed the moment I created a blog titled "Carmen's loved". I was publicly affirming that I was loved. There wasn't a need for it to be shown outwardly by others because I naturally believed it to be so. There are many ways to put affirmations to work for oneself. 

Many people tend to say.

 1. A am beautiful.

2. I am grateful for the people I have in my life.

3. My life is full of potential.

And the list goes on. In fact, there's a list of 102 powerful affirmations you could easily employ that the Berkely well-being institute shares online.  But before you run and jump on that bandwagon. Let me share this last nugget of insight as to "who I am" with ya. 

You see, when everyone abandoned me because my health got bad and I couldn't produce the money they enjoyed the fruit of. I felt a sense of failure. Money shaped everything. And no affirmation in the world could've consoled me. And although, it was love that I'd truly wanted. I still didn't recognize this as the problem. 

All the affirmations over the years resulted in failures. So how well do those really work? After all, if you aren't happy with your current situation and you do positive affirmations to cover that unhappiness, and change the negative feeling into a positive one, aren't you masking the problem and not fixing it?

Now remember, I wasn't always unhappy. In fact, I was successful. I loved my life. I loved the people in my life too. I'd not spent my days sulking. In fact, I took vacations, donated my time, and really enjoyed life.

This didn't come from affirmations. This came from a goal. I was going to prove mom wrong. I was loved. I was wanted. I was going to amount to something. And I was going to prove her wrong whatever it took. When that goal of mine shifted. My whole mentality shifted. And the buried feelings embedded into my subconcious mind began to resurface. This is something we all deal with. It's inevitable. We live in a fallen world. 

The conscious mind can not understand the subconscious mind without the two becoming one -which is a whole nother topic for a whole nother day. But that can't be done without the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Who came to make of the twain one new man so making peace (Ephesians 2:15).

It's this part of myself that's being shared with you today that's the basis of who I am and its foundation didn't come from affirmations. Instead, it come from knowing Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. 

You see, it is written in Psalm 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me. 

At the point in life where everyone had left me to die alone. I had no one to turn to. I had no one to lean on. The fact that I needed someone was still there though. And that's when I really started to employ the faith I expressed I'd had many years before.

 

To my surprise. I not only felt HIS presence. I felt HIS peace. He walked with me. He talked to me. He helped me grow in more ways than one. And HE restored my soul with a love this world can't offer. There is no amount of self-love or love from another than can amount to the love one receives from Jesus Christ. 

I get it. 

Many of you may be thinking this is insane! 

Heck, I've heard many people online say, "Your fairy sky-daddy" which tells me they believe it's all a fairy tale. 

In fact, many who claim to be open minded probably dropped out reading this a few paragraphs back. Simply because they can't and won't consider anything that suggests God is real and we need a savior because they simply have never felt love the way they need.  In a fallen world where people need a savior love doesn't exist without him. Parents betray children. Children betray parents. Brothers and sisters turn on one another. People abuse other people mentally and physically. Husbands and wife's hate each other in less than five years. It's a vicious cycle that appears to be getting worse daily in all walks of life. 

Just look around. Celebrities lose their minds and self-indulgence in drugs to cope is a norm in Hollywood. The same goes for normal everyday households. Many people are turning to suicide to end the inner turmoil that comes from a lack of love.  

Well, I want to challenge you. Because that's part of who I am. I'm someone who has learned not to take things at face value. It's just like the American dollar. You have one dollar. You think you got 1 dollar. Problem is. According to Kimberly Amadeo, "The value of a dollar in 1913 had the buying power of 26$." That's no longer the case! Inflation rates has truly changed the value of the dollar. My point is to help you understand the fundamentals. You see, if you don't know the true value of a dollar you could set yourself up for failure. 

How? Glad ya asked.

Let's say you decide I want to make a half a million dollars. Years ago that would've allowed you to retire early and live a cushy life. Whereas nowadays that doesn't leave you much room to do much of anything comfortably. I know a man who spent that in less than a year even though that's all he had! 

This very thing applies to our need for love. Your inner child is looking for that endless, unconditional, and supportive love. Even if you don't recognize it. It is. Deep down inside each and everyone of us is a need to feel accepted, a need to feel the acceptance, so we can know that we are loved and this is because we live in a fallen world. 

There's a song named "Found" that says, "I once was lost but now I'm found". In that song is a profession of faith. The basis of that faith lies in knowing "I once was lost".

You don't have to be on the bottom like I was. You could be reading this sitting in your Ferrari 250 GTO waiting on your mom to go to dinner. Whatever your position doesn't matter. Because I know one things for sure. It's a trait we all have as humans. 

           You are looking for something. 

I happen to know that, that something so happens to be love. It is written, in 1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

You can love your job and love that money your job provides but what you truly want is a love that you once knew because you stood in the presence of love. 

You don't need to believe me. Simply ask HIM to show you. If you seek with your whole heart, you will find HIM. In fact, I'm pretty sure, HE is with you now. 

Hey, I love you. But Jesus loves you more and I just thought I'd share this with you today.